"Birthing people, Birthing people, Birthing people."

Motley Crue caves to woke pressure

Under heavy pressure from Representative Cori Bush (D-MO), Motley Crue announced today that it will rename its classic song “Girls, Girls, Girls.” The song will now be called “Birthing people, Birthing people, Birthing people” and only be licensed under the new name.

Vic Vegas, owner of 12 exotic nightclubs nationwide, said, “we play ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’ at least twice an hour. How the hell are the ladies supposed to dance to ‘Birthing people, Birthing people, Birthing people’? There’s no rhythm, no flow.” He concluded, “nobody goes to a strip club to hear about ‘birthing people.’”

The financial impact was immediate. Heavy selling in BOOB, the exotic nightclub ETF, drove its price down to all-time lows (see chart). BOOB closed the session at $43.91, down 32.6% from today’s open.

Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee could not be reached for comment. However, sources close to the star say Bush threatened Lee with a nasty Twitter campaign.

Music insiders say changing the name of “Girls, Girls, Girls” will cost Motley Crue millions in annual royalties. “Have you ever heard that song played anywhere but a strip club?” asked an anonymous insider. “Every time it gets played, Motley Crue is ringing the register. There are thousands of clubs nationwide playing the song two to three times per hour at five cents a play…you do the math,” said the insider, who believes “Birthing people, Birthing people, Birthing people” will be valueless in a strip club setting, echoing Vic Vegas.

Representative Jim Jordan (R-OH) immediately called for an investigation under the STOCK Act of 2012. “Clearly, anyone with prior knowledge of this cataclysmic change would understand the impact on exotic nightclub stocks. I’ll bet Pelosi and her venture-capitalist husband made millions shorting BOOB,” said Jordan. He continued, “What is Cori Bush thinking? She has no business pressuring bands to change the names of their songs, especially when doing so will have such a negative impact on our small businesses.” The STOCK Act of 2012 made it illegal for members of Congress to trade on insider information, just like it is for every other investor that isn’t a federal politician.

Bill Ackman at Pershing Square said we could be on the cusp of a whole new type of investing. “Firms bet on potential mergers, regulation changes, drug approvals, etc. Why not try to predict the next Woke-ist shakedown?” said the billionaire hedge fund manager.

Ackman may be on to something. The irrationality of Woke-ism seems to have no bounds.

Cordially,

Renaissance Rants Man